AuthorJim Flynn is a humorist, writer and novelist. He is available for speaking engagements. To contact email: [email protected] Archives
November 2024
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That Can't Be Me!11/2/2024 I'm in the process of recording the audiobook version of You Look Good For Your Age. Recording an audiobook is easy, if you're a robot and have no sense of shame. Unfortunately I'm neither. For one thing, you have to get used to the sound of your own voice. I was confident that I would have a deep resonance like Morgan Freeman, but when I play it back the imposter saying my words sounds more like Homer Simpson. Must be the headphones! The main current issue is: The audiobook must be a word-for-word version of the written book. Audible spot checks and will reject a book if it doesn't match. But since this book is a series of standup comedy acts, I memorize each one, then perform it as though I was standing up in front of a group of people. Even though it's the same material, I speak differently than I write, so it comes out more casual and conversational. I also find myself ad-libbing new jokes. To solve this problem, I'll have to revise the written book when I've recorded the final version of the audiobook. Fortunately, it's easy to upload a new version of the written book to Amazon. By the way, if you've had a problem locating your keys lately, try memorizing 10 different 1,000 word comedy bits. After memorizing the first two bits, I found my car keys! Coincidence? I think not. After the memorization I then must perform the material without sounding like I'm reading, using my Lawrence Olivier-like acting techniques. Larry (we were on a first name basis) and I always wanted to do an audiobook together, but his death in 1989 has prevented him from working on this book with me. There's no business like show business. It's the headphones, right? Order the book today! Paperback only $5.99--use as a birthday card! Get it now before my inner Homer rewrites the entire book. click on the link: www.amazon.com/dp/B0DK3NDRNB And comments or questions? Email:
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Mini Book or Birthday Card?10/26/2024 Q: What happens when you give your friend a birthday card? A: As soon as you leave, it gets tossed in the trash. There goes your five or six bucks. For the same money, you can give a copy of You Look Good For Your Age. Even if you have a friend who doesn't read books, they'll look at this, and keep it. By the way, early reviews are saying it's "Laugh Out Loud Funny!" You should get a copy for yourself and enjoy this short book. Keep it around the house, the cover draws people, they'll pick it up. I was recently on Patrick Greenwood's podcast, Writers on Writers. Patrick has thousands of subscribers, it was a great way to get the message out on my new book: You Look Good For Your Age. Patrick's dance card is booked up for the next couple years, but we go way back and he always gets me on the show. To watch and/or listen, click below: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eo5od1LNGdw Take a look at the new book For more details, click this link to go to the book's Amazon listing:
www.amazon.com/dp/B0DK3NDRNB send any comments or questions to: [email protected]
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Already a Top Ten Humor Book!10/19/2024 Today is the official launch day, but pre-sales have already made You Look Good For Your Age a top ten humor book.
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Please Do Not Throw Bottles10/11/2024 From the back cover of You Look Good For Your Age:
You Look Good for Your Age is a comedic romp through the unpredictable world of writing, self-deprecation, and the ever-present allure of stand-up comedy. In this uproarious collection, the author—a seasoned novelist with a handful of books (and even more humility)—takes readers behind the scenes of his literary career, one peppered with family fibs, award-winning oil change certificates, and advice from famous authors that always ends with, “Have you considered stand-up?” Whether it’s lamenting the underperformance of his misunderstood novels or dreaming of headlining a nursing home comedy night, the author's wit is as sharp as ever, even as his prospects teeter between YouTube stardom and accordion duets. Blending personal anecdotes, tongue-in-cheek reflections, and a generous serving of laugh-out-loud moments, this book will have you in stitches as the author wades through the existential crisis of whether to keep chasing the Great American Novel or embrace his true calling: making people laugh. Whether you're a writer, a reader, or just someone who’s wondered what it's like to bomb on stage—or in book sales—you'll find something to love in this hilarious, heartfelt, and slightly self-sabotaging collection. Oh, and in case you're wondering, yes, there is a chance you’ll hear Lady of Spain by the end. Coming soon! Comments to: [email protected]
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You know that generic drug names are just nonsense syllables made up by marketing people, right?
I was watching the news one night. Advertisers know who watches: old people, so there are lots of ads for prescription drugs. I commented to my wife that so many of the drug names have three syllables, end with a vowel, preferably the letter "A." Got me thinking. I explore this phenomenon in You Look Good For Your Age. I speculate that if the word "Chewbacca" wasn't already taken, there would be a prescription drug with that name. You'll have to read the book for the punchline. Also discussed: stirring natural peanut butter, a non-partisan look at how Spin Doctors are making politics even worse, the upside of using only 10% of your brain, how to expose impostors who claim to have read your latest book, how as President I would mandate a Federal Law requiring football games to start within one minute of their scheduled time, that kid in school who ate library paste, why "Jim" is a weak computer password, Cryptocurrency, how American Exceptionalism is producing planes on which the doors fall off, why it's impossible to get an appointment with a doctor, how charities threaten you, and many other topics ripped from Today's Headlines! Everybody---All the Experts--are saying this is sure to be a Major Best Seller!!!! When it is released, you better order before the world runs out of paper. If you're an eBook reader, you may see the demand outstripping the power grid. It's going to be that big! Coming Soon: You Look Good For Your Age comments, or suggestions for other prescription drug names: [email protected]
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No spoiler here, but you'll understand the headline and its relation to the above image image better when you read: You Look Good For Your Age.
I'm taking a break from finishing my next novel. Along the way I've been able to have a couple of unofficial mentors, both New York Times best selling authors. They encouraged me after reading Be Sincere Even When You Don't Mean It, and have been generous with their time and suggestions since. A man and a woman, they don't know each other, live on different continents, and both have suggested to me that I try stand up comedy. I ignored their advice and pressed on. As I was writing the new novel, I sent a chapter to ChatGPT. Not to write it, but to read it and give developmental editing suggestions. Artificial Intelligence is fantastic once you get past the stupid-college-kid-using-it-to write-your-term-paper level. When you learn how to use AI, it's like having a conversation with a very smart person who never gets tired of your questions. I kid you not; this really happened: ChatGPT read my chapter and replied, "Have you ever considered doing standup comedy?" Who am I to defy an all knowing algorithm? So I am about finished with You Look Good For Your Age, a series of unrelated comedy chapters. You will laugh--if not, feel free to send me a nasty email. But, trust me, you'll laugh. You Look Good For Your Age is coming soon. By the way, that's a pretty sharp jacket the accordion player is wearing, eh? I'm thinking about adding one to my wardrobe. comments to: [email protected]
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Was this sign on my book?9/19/2024 I’ve written eight books. A couple did okay. But one book, only my family read—and I’m pretty sure they lied about that. And I have a small family.
I got them together and called them out on it. “You’re a bunch of turncoats! Ingrates, ” I said. Kind of ruined Thanksgiving. But I keep them honest now. I give them written quizzes on key passages, like high school—or a very intense book club. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The above is the introduction to the new book I'm publishing soon: You Look Good For Your Age. I'm still working on my fourth novel, The Dead Banker's Password, but it isn't ready yet. Taking a break from the novel is helping me. When I get back to The Dead Banker, I'll be ready to push through to the finish. More on You Look Good For Your Age soon. Comments: [email protected]
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I see a big time famous motivational guy is going to be in the New York area soon. For just $2,985 you can get a Diamond Club ticket for four sessions of motivation. The promotional lit stated that these top dollar seats will be up closest to the stage where you are most likely to be noticed by, and to get to interact with the famous man. For around $1,600 you can get nosebleed seats where you are most likely to get noticed by, and interact with the hot dog vendor. Some audience members are going to learn to fire walk. Let's assume the trainee fire walkers will be volunteers, that they're not random attendees forced to the stage at gunpoint. Did you do the math? Let's say the average ticket is $2,000. The arena holds 18,000 people. That's $36 million in revenue. Of course there are expenses--the motivational guy is going to have to pay for the charcoal in the firepit, fire extinguishers, some Dr. Scholl's foot powder, stuff like that. Need Motivation? I've got your motivation right here! Price: $6.99. That leaves a $2,977 surplus from the alternative. No fire walking recommended by me, I'd suggest you use the leftover cash to buy a pair of Skechers and maybe an eBike. Or you could go on a cruise. What's that you ask? Motivation for just $6.99? Yup. My book: The Circle of Awareness makes fun of the Self Help industrial complex, but in the end provides wonderful motivation. Be entertained while you get the motivation of a lifetime! True tidbit from The Circle of Awareness: The first Self-Help book was titled Self-Help, written by Samuel Smiles. No kidding! Everybody, ninety percent of all people, are telling me that The Circle of Awareness has changed their lives. Take my word for it. Have I ever lied to you before? A criticism of traditional motivation is that it's fine, but temporary. People might leave the motivational venue with the best of intentions to, for example, lose weight. But it's a long drive home, I'll just stop at McDonalds and begin the diet and exercise plan tomorrow. And my feet hurt so much from that bleepin' fire walk that I deserve a large shake and fries. Maybe a Big Mac. The Circle of Awareness book is something you can keep and refer to time after time. You may want one copy for home, and another for the office. If you're really intent on spending $2,985 on motivation, how about 426 copies of The Circle of Awareness? Free shipping, and I'll throw in some collector's edition Book Marks. I'll even do a Zoom call with you and your unmotivated friends. Pictured here: one of the thousands of people whose life was changed by The Circle of Awareness. Get it today! click here: www.amazon.com/dp/B0CMXB5NQK The cover alone makes it a handsome addition to any library.
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You're All Winners!9/7/2024 There were several great entries for the Next Sport in The Olympics contest.
I have decided to award all 19 entries with the very valuable prize: A Book Mark, currently under design, sure to be a collector's item. In the future it could be as valuable as a Zimbabwe 100 trillion dollar bill, or a Bitcoin. In a dystopian, post-apocalyptic world, the Book Marks may be used as currency. Entries ranged from Dog Frisbee to Jarts to Tiddlywinks, to Hot Dog Eating, to Crolf. I had never heard of Crolf; it's a combination of croquet and golf for people who find those two sports individually too fast paced. There were two entires not suitable for publication. Those two suggestions have this in common: they were unspeakably bold. Without further discussion, I can state that either of these two events would be certain to get among the highest viewer ratings in Olympic History. One person suggested an event that's already in the current Olympics. Pay attention people! In addition to working on the Book Marks, I am writing, working on three projects: finishing the novel: The Dead Banker's Password, writing a new humor book: You Look Good For Your Age, and re-editing and releasing a new version of Be Sincere Even When You Don't Mean It. After a recent podcast appearance on which I talked about Be Sincere, a listener got in touch with me and suggested I read the book again. I did, and saw several opportunities to make the book...how do I put this....better...and now with even more phony sincerity. It will also be reformatted. I'm doing that now. The book will stay in print, the revisions will be uploaded when done. When the Book Marks are ready I will get in touch with anyone who has submitted an entry and arrange to mail the prize. I advise recipients to keep the Book Mark in mint condition, like a Mickey Mantle rookie card. The best way to get in touch with me is email: [email protected]
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I failed to make the U.S. Olympic Break Dancing team. Actually, I didn't make it to the Northwestern Connecticut Senior Olympic Break Dancing Finals. So maybe it's just sour grapes.
Really, Break Dancing in the Olympics? The same gold medal the winner of the 100 meter dash or the 1500 meter freestyle gets? Does the Russian Breakdancing Judge cheat just like in diving and gymnastics? And what Performance Enhancing Drugs will the Russians develop for Breakdancing? How about Gyrate-O-Droxanderone, a steroid that will allow performers to spin on their heads for minutes at a time without getting dizzy? I've come to realize that the Olympics is a TV show, and the criteria for a sport being accepted is: will people watch it so TV networks can sell ads? As a wiser man than I once said, "The answer to all your questions is Money." What's next? I saw a bumpersticker: Put Bowling in The Olympics. I'm reluctant to stereotype people, but the driver looked like a bowler. Okay. How about some feedback? Send in suggestions for the next less than classical sport to go into the Olympics grab bag to: [email protected] The winning entry will get a prize |