You Should Submit Your Novels to Hollywood!

You know, a lot of well-meaning people have told me, "Your JR Johnson novels would make a great series on Netflix or Amazon Prime!" Thanks, well-intentioned people! But let's be real..

Here's a tip for anyone wanting to write a novel: study screenwriting. Why? Because making a movie is so expensive, scripts have to follow a strict plot structure – a lot of that discipline carries over to novel writing.

Now, there are over 3,000 books on Amazon about screenwriting. No kidding! But let me save you some time: just read The Nutshell Technique by Jill Chamberlain. I have a copy and it’s helped me a lot. By the way, I have no intention of ever writing a screenplay. Ever.

I heard Jill Chamberlain on a podcast, and she said 50,000 new screenplays are registered each year with the Writers Guild of America. Out of those, maybe 20 are optioned by studios. Twenty! 
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And, Hollywood doesn’t like older first time screenwriters. Forty is considered ancient in Hollywood.
 
Remember Jim Carrey in Dumb and Dumber? "So you're telling me there's a chance?"
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Yeah! But no. Those odds are like winning the lottery while getting struck by lightning. On a date with Taylor Swift. The illustration above, is AI-generated, my vision of what reception awaits the 50,001st writer trying to crash the Hollywood party. Spoiler alert: he didn’t even make it past the potted plants.

So, I'm putting my screenwriting dreams in the same drawer as my plans to become a Professional Chainsaw Juggler. Fun to think about, but let's be realistic. You know, just because there's regular turnover in chainsaw juggling doesn’t mean it’s a viable career path.

I currently own two chainsaws which I use for work on the farm. To juggle, I'd have to buy a third chainsaw. I'm holding off for now.
 
I'm going to keep doing what I do: working on finishing my novel, Useful Idiot. But hey, if Steven Spielberg or Ron Howard ring me up, I'll take the call. I’d also take a call from Taylor Swift. I think Taylor would make a great Lola from my first novel.

But until then, I'll keep my day job and avoid juggling chainsaws. 
​Anybody need a speaker for an organization?
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