Do Not Attempt to Adjust Your Screen

Remember that old TV show: The Outer Limits? "There is nothing wrong with your television. Do not attempt to adjust. We are controlling transmission. We will control the horizontal. We will control the vertical..."


Well, fast forward to today. Neuralink, Elon's latest brainchild—literally—just implanted a chip in a guy’s brain. This chip lets him control a computer with his thoughts. Sounds like science fiction, right? But, hey, it’s real.

So now we have a man sending emails with his mind.

But here’s the kicker: Scientists say this chip could work the other way too. Yeah, someone could control your brain. Imagine what happens when Nabisco gets a hold of this technology. Oreo sales would skyrocket! We’d all be sitting in front of our TVs, cramming cookies like we’re the Cookie Monster on a bender.

And politics? Oh man, just fill in the blank with your least favorite politician. Can you imagine being brain-chipped into voting for that guy or gal?

And what about cryptocurrency? These tech nitwits are creating fake money out of thin air. Wall Street’s all in, trading billions every day like it’s the Super Bowl. But while they’re busy getting rich off imaginary coins, no one’s asking, "Hey, what happens when the computers start controlling us?" It's like everyone’s cheering for Skynet.

So here we are, possibly on the brink of becoming pixelated hybrid humans. Part people, part computer. Forget controlling the horizontal and vertical—how about controlling people?
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I touch on this in my new book, Useful Idiot. Coming soon. (Because why not plug your own book in a joke about mind control?)
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But you know, I’d volunteer for a chip that fixes my golf game. Slice? What slice? Do you think I could get Nabisco to fund a golf chip in my brain? I like Oreos.

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