No Pain, All Gain: Trust Me, Grasshopper

Ok, I admit this is an AI generated aspirational illustration of what I'll look like in 6 weeks of Tai Chi workouts, but I'm trending in that direction. 

If you're a guy anywhere near my age, the algorithm has found you too.

Whenever I go on YouTube or Facebook, there's a Chinese gent who looks about two hundred years old, but he has abs like the illustration above. He speaks with such dignity and calm that he must be telling the truth, right?

If I looked like that, I'd never button my shirt either.

​He discloses an ancient Chinese secret workout, that was locked away for centuries, and can only be revealed now that you can put your credit card information on the internet.

I didn't watch the whole video, but the fellow talks about a bet he made with his wife regarding the results of the workout program. If he loses, they go to Paris. If he wins, they go to Hawaii. Win or lose, sounds like a good bet.

Who is paying for this vacation? You are, if you sign up for the free Tai Chi chair workout program.

How could that be? It's free!

​Best case is: he's going to sell your name and email address to other people who want to market to the following demographic:

​Delusional old guys who think doing minimal exercise five minutes day will make you look like this, even though their food pyramid in the last five years has been based on Tater Tots.

Admit it: Your previous diets have consisted of temporarily switching to Lite Beer.

Worse case, in addition to selling your name, the Tai Chi people are going to tell you that in order to get real results, you should upgrade to the paid program, and possibly buy some nutritional supplements.

Warning: Tater Tots are not part of the Tai Chi nutritional plan.

​I've got to go now. Time to wave my arms over my head for five minutes. Not just any old waving around---the ancient Chinese way!

​Makes all the difference, Grasshopper.  Soon I will be auditioning for the role of Geriatric Man in the new Marvel Superhero Movie.