Kid Rock and Bad Bunny's Salute to the Metric System

Did that headline grab your attention?

I try to avoid politics. Not my lane. But I have been amused by all the oxygen being taken up by the reaction to Bad Bunny's Super Bowl Halftime Show.

On one side you've got the right wing media hyperventilating like this was the worst thing since... the formation of the Earth.

On the other, male white haired left-wing commentators are pretending that they liked Bad Bunny. Spoiler alert: They didn't. They have to say they liked the show, or become the next victims of cancel culture...forever outcast.

My opinion: I despise all the Super Bowl halftime shows. I want to see the game. Even though I'm generally sitting there for at least part of the intermission extravaganza, I don't pay attention.

Super Bowl XXXVIII? I was sitting on my sofa for the infamous Wardrobe Malfunction and didn't notice it. I must have been stirring the guacamole.

The Super Bowl halftime shows have evolved. In the beginning it was Up With People, a group so wholesome and bland they made vanilla ice cream look like Tabasco sauce.

Then the NFL started trotting out low energy over-the-hill rockers. By the time they had The Rolling Stones, I think Keith Richards was using a CPAP machine during the performance.

Now the show has contemporary pop stuff. The league that fines players for excessive celebration features halftime dancing that would be considered in poor taste at a Vegas strip club.

All the shows have always had this in common: the more the NFL tries to act hip, the lamer they look. It's like when Nixon grew sideburns. I'd be happy if they just eliminated the halftime show. 

​But since this isn't going to happen, and in my upcoming book/audiobook Press The Button I discuss: How Many Kilometers Are in a Gallon?, highlighting America's rejection of how the rest of the world measures things, it gave me an idea for next year:

Kid Rock and Bad Bunny in a 28 Minute Musical Salute to the Metric System. Lady Gaga could be featured as an atomic clock. She probably already has the costume.

It would unite America. People from across the political spectrum would come together and demand drastic changes.

​Maybe the year after would feature acrobats jumping unicycles over the goal posts, monkeys in cowboy hats riding tiny motor scooters, dogs leaping through hula hoops. Be honest...wouldn't you like that better? And it could be a lot shorter. Short enough so you'd remember there was a football game to be concluded.

I offer my creative services to the NFL. For a modest fee.

Bonus Fact: The length of a meter is determined by how far light travels in a tiny fraction of a second, as measured by the vibration of Cesium-133 atoms. Maybe Lady Gaga could explain this in a duet with Bill Nye The Science Guy.

​Breaking News: 20 Geriatric Pickleball Players in Florida were arrested for brawling as I write this. Guess the topic for next week's blog!

Questions or comments:

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