Jaws 5-This Time It's Rechargeable

When Robot Fish Go Rogue: Jaws 5—This Time, It’s Rechargeable

Scientists, bless their optimistic little hearts, have built robot fish that eat plastic. The plan: release them into the ocean to clean up humanity’s mess. What could possibly go wrong?

I'm not making this up. Scientists have annouced this.

Now for my pitch to Hollywood:

At first, everything was fine. The robo-guppies swam around like tiny metallic Roombas of the sea, gobbling microplastics and burping out cleaner water. Then someone decided to make them self-replicating—because apparently no one in the lab ever saw a sci-fi movie.

A few firmware updates later, the fish started getting… bigger. A foot long, then three. A tourist in Key West reported seeing one the size of a jet ski with “what looked like a Nike running shoe hanging out of its mouth.” By the time the prototype reached the Pacific, it had evolved titanium teeth and a taste for yachts.

So congratulations, science. You didn’t just save the ocean—you rebooted Jaws.

The press release calls them “autonomous environmental remediation organisms.” I call them Great White 2.0—now with Bluetooth. They don’t just hunt—they sync.

In fairness, this is probably how every apocalypse starts: with good intentions and a grant proposal. But hey, at least Spielberg’s finally got a sequel worth making. Picture it--Jaws 5: This Time It's Rechargable.
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Until then, I’ll be on the shore with my paper straw, watching humanity’s bright idea circle back for one last bite.

Now for writing news.

One...I've got to find a new title for the novel I'm writing, working title Code Name: Nobody. I had searched books, and the title seemed original, but unknown to me, turns out there's a movie called Nobody. The plot isn't the same, but has some parallels, and it will seem like I am copying. And there's a Nobody 2 coming out. Glad I found out now.

Two...As I was recording the audiobook version of Paperback Writer: Now Appearing at Bingo Night, I realized that the book is too insider, too much humor that only writers would get, to appeal to a general audience.

And I'll let you in on a something: Writers are a terrible audience. They secretly want all the other writers to fail, and take themselves way too seriously. The only books writers buy have titles like: Five Easy Hacks to Writing a Bestseller.

Not me of course. I mean the other guys.

​I'll tell you more about the audiobook in coming weeks. Here's the title: I Shouldn't Say This Out Loud.

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