Elevator Eavesdropping

Before the excerpt from Press The Button, this week's BREAKING NEWS:

A reader has notified me that The Hallmark Channel is available in France. It is streamed in English with French subtitles.

The Hallmark Channel's A Pickleball Christmas was shown in France. Apparently French has a word for pickleball racquet. It translates to: Giant ping pong paddle of shame.

​Some other time I'll get into my conspiracy theory that pickleball was invented by orthopedic surgeons as a way to increase business.

​                        ******************************


An excerpt from Press The Button:


When I was working as a stockbroker, er, financial advisor, I needed to have an outlet for my creativity. Since I couldn't sit around writing all day, I had to pick my spots.

One venue I enjoyed was the elevator..

 
They say you really get to know a person in a foxhole.
Or after seven years of marriage.
Or during eighteen holes of golf.
​
I say--
just take the elevator with me.
It’s quicker.
And nobody gets trench foot.

I especially love it when I catch someone eavesdropping.
Because I immediately go into a stage whisper--
loud enough for the eavesdropper to hear—and say something like:

“Spielberg called again last night.
Wants help writing Act Two.
I haven’t worked with him since Jurassic Park.”

Or--
“And it turns out, I didn’t have Ebola after all.
I don’t even need to wear a mask anymore.”
(cough a little)

Or
"My therapist says I'm making progress.
No panic attacks in elevators... almost a month."

I call it a talent.
Human Resources used to call it
"a recurring pattern."
​
I might launch an online course:
Elevator Improv 101.

I’m available for birthdays, bar mitzvahs,
and elevator-themed improv festivals.

Pro tip--
after you drop your line,
exit at the next floor.
Unless the eavesdropper does too.

As my grandma always said,
“Leave them wanting more.”
She was often asked to take the stairs.

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