Eavesdropping on Shakespeare

Well, don’t I sound highfalutin’.

Look, I’m not trying to write like Shakespeare. I just wanted to get your attention before you wandered off to rewatch “Yellowstone” or compare Medicare Advantage plans.

What I do want to talk about—briefly, before we all fall asleep—is something I call The Writing Industrial Complex. 

Anyway, this all started when a buddy called me to brag that he fixed his golf swing.
He was at the driving range, hitting balls like he was trying to kill a gopher…
Then he noticed the woman in the next stall was getting a lesson from a pro.
So he did what any budget-conscious athlete would do:
He quietly eavesdropped—and copied everything the pro told her.
Problem solved.

Now, I’m not saying this is ethical. But it’s efficient. And honestly? That’s how I’ve learned a lot about writing.

I listen to the smart people next to me, try not to make eye contact, and use what works.
But here’s where it gets weird:

There’s a whole industry of people who want to “help you become a writer”… for a mere $3,295.
That’s right—you, too, can learn how to become a successful author from someone who has never actually been one.

Serious note: if you want to write, read Steven Pressfield's The War of Art, Stephen King's On Writing, listen to Joanna Penn's podcast—people who’ve done the thing and are generous enough to talk about it.

But then there are the others. The ones who sell you “10 Steps to Bestsellerdom,” and somehow none of those steps include “Write a good book.”

I haven’t fallen for one of these schemes. But I do get the emails.
And I’ve talked to people who have.
They came away with a new appreciation for the word “nonrefundable.”

Here’s my point:
You can learn to write better without maxing out a credit card.
Read stuff. Try things. Eavesdrop a little.

I talk about this kind of stuff—and the upcoming AI apocalypse, Bingo Night at the nursing home, what we can learn from the worst film director in history—in my upcoming:
Paperback Writer: Now Appearing At Bingo Night.
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It’s got jokes, coloring pages, and hints on choosing an android companion.
I’ll let you know when it’s out.

Spoiler Alert: One of my solutions to current problems involves Larry The Cable Guy.