Cary Grant vs. CryptoWarrior

Why Hollywood Escapism Has Migrated to Your Telephone 

Once upon a time, Hollywood handled all our escapism needs. You walked into to a theater, your feet stuck to the floor due to the years of accumulated Jujubees, you plopped down in the seat and watched Frankie Avalon pretend to surf in front of a rear projection.

But now? Every bit of fantasy, delusion, glamour, and ridiculous plotline has migrated to your telephone. Your phone. That slab of glass you keep dropping in the toilet. Congratulations—you are now the studio head of your own personal MGM. Which explains the budget cuts.

Instead of Cary Grant whisking you to dangle off Mount Rushmore, you get a guy named “CryptoWarrior409” on TikTok explaining wealth creation while standing in front of a rented Lamborghini. At least Cary drank real martinis; Crypto Warrior interrupts himself mid-video to pitch his sponsor, a workout powder made from depleted uranium.

And those old beach movies? Shapely Annette in her post Mouseketeer phase? Now you’ve got influencers standing on paddleboards, filming themselves while shouting, “LIKE AND SUBSCRIBE!"

The consequences? Oh, they’re hilarious. You can no longer watch a movie without thinking, “Why isn’t this 12 seconds long?” Meanwhile, your attention span has shrunk to the size of an olive pit, and you feel cheated if a plot doesn’t involve a cat, a drone shot, or someone making avocado toast.

The old Hollywood moguls got to be millionaires. But the guys behind the instant gratification in your pocket...I'm talking about the techno dorks who own the platform, not CyrptoWarrior409...are billionaires, some approaching trillionaire status.

Makes you think...maybe you should have paid attention in Algebra One. Or taken a computer programming class in college, instead of the easy three credits of Art Appreciation.

Hollywood took us away from reality for a couple hours. Then we left the theater, out of the air conditioning, back to humidity and real life.

The difference? Our little pocket studios give us a tiny on-demand dopamine hit every time we tap it. And there's no obvious charge, no ticket taking usher. The billionaires know this...they've got us.

The only charge? Guys like Tim, Mark, Elon, and Jeff now own us, body and soul. And wallet...that's the part they're interested in.

Don't believe me? Go ahead. Go without your phone for two days.

​Jim, are you crazy! I could miss an emergency phone call!

Okay, don't go cold turkey. How about this: Just use your phone as only a phone for a week.

Honestly? I kind of miss Cary Grant. But at least my phone fits in my pocket, the popcorn is considerably cheaper, and I don't have to scrape Jujubees off the bottom of my shoes.

Discussion question: have you ever eaten Jujubees not in a movie theater?

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