AuthorJim Flynn is a humorist, writer and novelist. He is available for speaking engagements. To contact email: [email protected] Archives
January 2025
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Can Typos Write A Bestseller!12/28/2024  You know how word processors have those spelling assist features? When I make a typo, the program tries to guess what I meant. But my typos are so horrendous, the suggestions are often in foreign languages—like Swahili or Sanskrit. Often the suggested words use obscure alternative alphabets. Sometimes I don’t even remember what I was originally trying to say. I’m thinking of just writing a book in Sanskrit—then letting autocorrect translate it into English. It might turn out better than what I write on purpose. A seasonal note: Being a retired gent on a fixed income, I don't send out Christmas Cards. My strategy: I wait to see who sends me a card, them a respond with a New Years Card. Hand written, the card usually has one primary message--the recipient's life would be better if they would read my latest book. Really-it's not about me, I'm thinking of their best interests. How's this for an idea? If you find yourself in the embarrassing situation of having gotten a card from someone that you neglected, send them a copy of You Look Good for Your Age. It's a kind of one-upmanship. "I'll see your card, and raise you a book." click here to buy the book: www.amazon.com/dp/B0DK3NDRNB Note to linguists: the obscure writing at the top of the page states: You Look Good For Your Age in Sanskrit. Another educational service provided by this blog. Questions or comments: [email protected] 
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Anybody Bring Their Crayons?12/21/2024  I work on a novel for a year, only to get outsold by a motivational coloring book? That’s how the audiobook version of You Look Good For Your Age begins. As I’ve been speaking and testing the material, I’ve found something surprising: it changes. It evolves. Speaking it out loud is a completely different experience than writing it down. Sometimes, as I’m talking through the material, I think of a new joke on the spot. Other times, the inspiration hits in the middle of the night, and I’ll get up and head straight to my computer. Here’s the thing: if I don’t write it down right away, I’ll forget it by morning. And sometimes, what seemed hilarious at 2 a.m. doesn’t seem so great in the cold light of day. Those bits get deleted. Does this sound like a lot of compulsive work? Maybe. But does it matter? To me, it absolutely does. This is what I do, and I love it. Writing, speaking, performing—it’s fun, but I also take it seriously. I want to bring my best to every single audience, whether they’re reading my books, listening to the eventual audiobook, or hearing me live. The audiobook version of You Look Good For Your Age will be out eventually. Don’t worry—I’ll give you plenty of warning when it’s ready! In the meantime, if you’re looking for a speaker for your group, event, or organization, let me know. I promise I’ll make it worth your while. I don’t charge for showing up, but I do charge people to get me to leave. (Just kidding! I do, however, sell copies of my books.) Seriously, though—take a look around my website. My books make great gifts. Whether it’s a stocking stuffer or a pick-me-up, they’re guaranteed to entertain... and feel free to color them in if you want to! BYOC Bring Your Own Crayons Any questions or comments to: [email protected]
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Gravity? It's Only a Theory!12/11/2024  That's her husband. This photo was sent in by a loyal reader in response to last week's blog post in which we discussed men who tell their wives, "Watch this, I know what I'm doing."
He's a long way up. The death defying lumberjack in the photo is an accountant by profession, much too clever and self-reliant to call the real tree guy. It's okay, he made it. As you can see from the photo, it's someplace warm, in this case California. I'm not a physicist, but I seem to remember that they do have gravity in California. I fell off a horse there once. Last week's blog post got the most views and responses in the history of this site. Several people sent in written examples of the above mentioned behavior. A favorite: A guy was cleaning his swimming pool. Running low on chemicals, he decided to mix the remainder of two different brands, even though both five gallon containers had large warning labels telling users specifically not to do so. His wife pointed that out. "I know what I'm doing," he said. "Relax." After mixing, the resultant goo began bubbling and emitting a piercing, high pitched whistle. The husband and wife ran and were a safe distance when the plastic tub exploded, creating a hole in the lawn along with several hundred pieces of plastic, and a blob of toxic residue. The explosion was so loud a neighbor called the police. The perpetrator had to explain himself to the responding officer. This behavior deserves more study. So far I've noticed common thread: it's important to have a female present for the guy to act so stupid. Maybe the presence of a woman releases a specific chemical in a man's brain. Feel free to keep sending in examples. If you haven't done so, please take a look at the books on this site. Questions or comments--or photos, to: [email protected]
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Watch This. I Know What I'm Doing!12/7/2024  "Watch This, I know what I'm doing." This Thanksgiving Day a man in affluent suburb Weston, CT. managed to burn his home to the ground while attempting to deep fry a turkey in the garage. In all the news reports this edifice was described not as a house, but specifically as a "mansion," so that's a feather in his cap. He burned down a whole mansion. No one was hurt, the family got out safely. Not all the details have been released, but you know, YOU JUST KNOW, that at some point, mere minutes before calling the Volunteer Fire Department, the pyrotechnic culinary genius, in an irritated voice, said to his wife: "Watch This. I know what I'm doing!" How can I be so certain? 1) I'm a guy. 2) Exhibit A: When I moved from the 'burbs to my 29 acre farm I bought a four wheel drive ATV which I use like a small tractor, complete with snowplow attached. Still have the little workhorse. That spring it was time for an oil change and tune-up, I bought ramps so I could drive the ATV into the bed of my pickup truck to take it to the dealer. I was certain it would fit, but I hadn't removed the attached snowplow. My wife expressed her concerns. Irritated, I said, "Watch This. I know what I'm doing!" You have to drive fast to get up the ATV up the ramps. So I sped the ATV onto the bed of the pickup, the plow smashing the truck's rear window into an estimated 450 million pieces. The noise was shockingly loud. Eventually I had to look over at my wife. I was getting the vibe that she was thinking: I could have done so much better than marrying this idiot. She might have been thinking an even harsher word. I'm now doing research. Is saying, "Watch This, I know what I'm doing," strictly a guy thing? Is it something primitive man said in the hunter/gatherer stage of development? What are the causes? What are the sociological implications? Don't tell anybody this, let's keep it between us, because I'm using this as the basis of a chapter I'm writing for my new book, working title: Watch This, I Know What I'm Doing. Meanwhile, still looking for a holiday gift for less important people on your list? Please consider: go today to buy on Amazon: www.amazon.com/dp/B0DK3NDRNB  Questions or comments to: [email protected]
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