AuthorJim Flynn is a humorist, writer and novelist. He is available for speaking engagements. To contact email: [email protected] Archives
November 2025
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Jaws 5-This Time It's Rechargeable10/25/2025  When Robot Fish Go Rogue: Jaws 5—This Time, It’s Rechargeable
Scientists, bless their optimistic little hearts, have built robot fish that eat plastic. The plan: release them into the ocean to clean up humanity’s mess. What could possibly go wrong? I'm not making this up. Scientists have annouced this. Now for my pitch to Hollywood: At first, everything was fine. The robo-guppies swam around like tiny metallic Roombas of the sea, gobbling microplastics and burping out cleaner water. Then someone decided to make them self-replicating—because apparently no one in the lab ever saw a sci-fi movie. A few firmware updates later, the fish started getting… bigger. A foot long, then three. A tourist in Key West reported seeing one the size of a jet ski with “what looked like a Nike running shoe hanging out of its mouth.” By the time the prototype reached the Pacific, it had evolved titanium teeth and a taste for yachts. So congratulations, science. You didn’t just save the ocean—you rebooted Jaws. The press release calls them “autonomous environmental remediation organisms.” I call them Great White 2.0—now with Bluetooth. They don’t just hunt—they sync. In fairness, this is probably how every apocalypse starts: with good intentions and a grant proposal. But hey, at least Spielberg’s finally got a sequel worth making. Picture it--Jaws 5: This Time It's Rechargable. Until then, I’ll be on the shore with my paper straw, watching humanity’s bright idea circle back for one last bite. Now for writing news. One...I've got to find a new title for the novel I'm writing, working title Code Name: Nobody. I had searched books, and the title seemed original, but unknown to me, turns out there's a movie called Nobody. The plot isn't the same, but has some parallels, and it will seem like I am copying. And there's a Nobody 2 coming out. Glad I found out now. Two...As I was recording the audiobook version of Paperback Writer: Now Appearing at Bingo Night, I realized that the book is too insider, too much humor that only writers would get, to appeal to a general audience. And I'll let you in on a something: Writers are a terrible audience. They secretly want all the other writers to fail, and take themselves way too seriously. The only books writers buy have titles like: Five Easy Hacks to Writing a Bestseller. Not me of course. I mean the other guys. I'll tell you more about the audiobook in coming weeks. Here's the title: I Shouldn't Say This Out Loud. Take a look around the website. Comments or questions to: [email protected]
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Mead? or Mead Lite?10/18/2025  Mead: The Drink I Thought Went Extinct With Vikings
Last week I was joking around and asked if you could buy mead in a package store. You know, mead — that honey-based alcohol people drank in the Middle Ages, back when “entertainment” meant standing at a campfire trying to convince people that you saw a dragon or mermaid...maybe after some mead. Kind of early stand up comedy. "Hey, you're a great crowd! Anybody here from Atlantis?" But no. Turns out you can buy mead. Real mead. Bottled, labeled, and available right here in my home state of Connecticut. Some of it even comes in fancy wine bottles, with names like “Dragon’s Breath Reserve,” maybe with a target demographic of the Dungeons & Dragons crowd. Apparently there’s a whole mead renaissance happening. Hipsters with beards are brewing the stuff in small batches. There are mead critics who write reviews like, “floral and earthy with notes of Norse nostalgia.” Well, that's better than saying, "tastes like the alcohol content was enhanced with antifreeze." I'm thinking money making opportunity. There doesn't seem to be any low calorie mead. Here's the pitch: Mead Lite. "Less filling so you aren't bloated when you start plundering and pillaging." I've already come up with the first authentic advertising campaign, as illustrated above. I'm assured that most Viking Women looked like this. When not thinking about mead I'm working on Code Name: Nobody.
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Flutter Bee or Butterfly: You Be the Judge10/11/2025  Confessions of a Fake Linguist As though I don’t already have enough things to waste my time on, about fifteen years ago I started dabbling in etymology— which, for the record, is not the study of bugs. I honestly thought it was. To be clear, I wasn’t trying to study bugs, but when I told a friend I was interested in word origins, he said it was called etymology. Etymology...word origin, entomology...study of bugs — same number of syllables, kinda sounds the same. So yes, I began my casual but inquistive journey by confusing words with insects. And I know I’m not alone. Half the people reading this probably still think “etymology” is what happens when you swat a butterfly with a dictionary. I’m not asking for a show of hands, you know who you are. Speaking of butterflies, that’s where things really go off the rails. Linguist John McWhorter — brilliant guy, smooth talker, probably owns an ascot — insists that butterfly evolved from the Old English flutter-bee. I like that theory. It makes sense. A bee that flutters. A word that actually describes the thing it’s naming. But other linguists say he’s dead wrong — and they’re furious enough to clutch their pearls and drop the Oxford English Dictionary on McWhorter's foot. And not the pocket version. The real one — which I found out weighs 138 pounds. That's a lot of dictionary to get dropped on your foot. If it ever happens, linguists will call it an etymological footnote. And as my grandmother used to say, “Why is there never an etymologist around when you need one?" Personally, I’m rooting for McWhorter. I want to live in a world where words make sense for once. Because if butterfly didn’t come from flutter-bee, then some medieval guy looked at a colorful insect thought it looked like butter? Well, they did drink a lot of mead back in the day. And what's mead anyhow? Can you buy it at the package store? And, would you believe I'm getting thousands of requests for the audio version of Paperback Writer? Would you believe hundreds of requests? No? How about one non-relative who asked me? Anyhow, I'm still working on it. Notice the new, improved cover! Makes a great gift for people who want to add a green book to their decor. Those of you new to the blog may want to cruise on over to Amazon to check out the book. It's humor for people who have short attention spans, and are old enough to have watched Leave It To Beaver in its original run. Just click on the image below: 
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Murdering a Song in the Key of T10/3/2025  I’ve been walking around for seventy-plus years thinking a teetotaler was someone who swapped whiskey for a steaming mug of Earl Grey. “Tea-totaler.” Made sense. They don’t drink booze; they drink tea. Simple. Logical. Completely wrong. I used the word in the new book I’m writing, and spellcheck corrected it...took out “tea” and replaced it with “tee.” Turns out, the word has nothing to do with tea and everything to do with one emphatic Brit with a stammer. Back in the 1830s, the temperance movement was trying to get people to quit drinking. Not just cut back. Not just stop before participants forgot their friends were recording them on Karaoke night, and the results might live forever on the internet. Quit entirely. A British guy named Richard Turner gave a speech about taking the “Total Abstinence” pledge and, while hammering the point home, apparently said, “T-T-Total.” The double T stuck. People began calling themselves “Tee-Totalers,” meaning totally total about sobriety. So the “tee” is just a letter — not a beverage. The original teetotalers weren’t clutching teacups; they were white-knuckling it through Victorian happy hours saying no to everything fermented. BTW, Queen Victoria sipped sherry on occasion, allegedly for medicinal purposes. I feel slightly betrayed. English loves to lure you into false confidence — “tea kettle,” “tea party,” “tea-totaler” — and then laugh behind your back when you’re wrong. Next thing you know, I’ll find out “hamburger” doesn’t have ham in it. Oh well. Anyway, if you’ve been mentally picturing genteel sober people sipping Constant Comment, you’re not alone. The truth is more boring and somehow funnier. Booze is a double edged sword...I’ve yet to see a promotion for Teetotaler Karaoke Night. Who says being a writer doesn’t broaden your knowledge? And in the last few minutes I leaned to spell Karaoke! BOLO---Be On The Lookout for: Code Name: Nobody.  |
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